I should be studying for the test I have on Friday. Instead I am writing this because it is the only way I know to process and move forward. I was not blessed with a talent in the arts, sports, or academics. What I do have is an open mind, empathy, and an ability to see a person as the sum of ALL their parts.

Because of this I know that people in my life who voted differently than me are good people. I am not angry. I am sad. I am sad because these good people would not allow me or anyone else speak to (or about) them, or anyone else, the way Trump and some who support him do. They won’t raise their children to speak that way either. Some of these good people are the ones who taught me to be a good person and have that open mind they so praise. So seeing them look the other way every time Trump says something that might be hurtful or offensive hurts and confuses me. I know I am not alone in this.

What hurts is hearing our VP elect make an off the cuff comment about women who have cats instead of children and having those closest to me (who know my entire life story) not understand why that comment would be deeply hurtful and painful to me. If it was meant as a joke, fine (I like to think I have a pretty good sense of humor). If you want to be the VP, I would hope you have the skill to walk back a comment that was offensive. Especially if you didn’t intend it to be. That shows me you have character and are willing to learn and grow from mistakes. This same principal applies if you want to be president. I don’t have to agree with all the policies, but I do need to trust that you have character and will treat EVERYONE with respect. Not just those who agree. POTUS means you are leading all of us and are making decisions impacting all of us. Not just your supporters.

I’m not going to act like I don’t make distasteful comments or inappropriate jokes. I do. The difference is I keep that shit within the circle of trust AKA the group chat. I do my best to treat everyone (even the people I don’t enjoy) with respect and dignity.

What hurts, is these good people who I know care about me not understanding why I am concerned about access to abortion and reproductive care. My IUD is not because my bedroom is open for anyone and everyone (if it was that would be fine though). It is literally part of managing my health and living a long life. When I am ready to have a family access to IVF is important to giving me as many options as possible.

Some might say these concerns are unfounded. Maybe they are? Maybe they aren’t? What I do know is that women are already dying because of delayed access to life saving care (an abortion). What I hear and feel when you discount my concerns is that you do not care about me and that my life is not worth as much to you as the price of gas or groceries. I would like to think that is not true, but I believe actions speak louder than words. So I have go with what I see.

I can already hear someone saying that those stories aren’t true and are just MSM propaganda. Which brings me to my next point. I am someone who enjoys intellectual discussions and learning about others views (open minded, remember). If we can’t agree on the basic facts we are basing the discussion on then I am not sure how to even engage in a discussion of solving the problem we both want to solve.

Believe me when I say, I hear your frustration with the cost of living. I do. Believe me when I say, I hear your frustration with health care and “big pharma”. I do. Believe me. I do. Believe me when I say, I hear the anger of men who feel they are being told are not as good women. I do. I want better for all kids. Boys and girls.

I understand that when it comes science and evidence based practice that those of us who work in those areas are not always the best of communicating and explaining why processes are the way they are. Working in the system has taught me that for all it’s flaws, the people in it, aren’t one of them. The seeds of distrust that have been sown have now grown into weeds.

I understand that the posture of “If you don’t agree with me on everything and ask even a genuine question then you are a **insert insult here**” that many on the left take is alienating. It shuts down any chance of a genuine discussion.

I don’t have the answers. What I do know is that one the lessons those good people I mentioned at the beginning taught me was “Treat others the way you want to be treated” and that will take precedence over any policy or position on my list of qualifications for president. I want someone who leads with joy, kindness, and respect.

Some say that these arguments are too emotional. Of course they are. We are concerned about policies around one of the most intimate part of someone’s lives.

I’m just one empathetic person with a bottomless well of emotions. What I see in the world is people in pain, hurting, and angry. While we can never remove all of that, I think we should always strive to lessen it. The first step is hearing and honoring people’s pain. You don’t have to understand it. But don’t disregard it and make it a punch line of a joke. This post seems like the one small part I can do in that.

I’ll leave you with you with some final things to reflect on…

1. When people become defensive/angry and feel the need to justify their actions (to them selves or out loud) it’s generally because they are feeling some versions of shame, insecurity, or vulnerability. If this is you, it may be time for some self reflection.

2. Would you be ok if your child/niece/nephew/a child close to you spoke to and treated people they way our president elect does/has?

3. If someone you love tells you an action was hurtful what do you think is the right way to respond?

4. I once asked someone if we can’t believe the government and MSM who should we believe? Their response was the people who say it happened. Ok. Reasonable. What am I to do when people who used to work with the president elect tell us they are concerned about him being POTUS again? Many disregarded their concern that is based in personal experience. Why the change?

Regardless. I will continue to do my best to be a bright star filling the dark sky.

It started with a question…

You know you can’t have your own kids, right? 

That was one of the last things my old endocrinologist said to teenaged me as he finished the visit and prepared to leave the exam room. I don’t remember much else from that visit besides how casually and coolly he made that statement. 

At 15 I could have probably explained Turner syndrome better than my parents. So, yes I did know that and had known that for a while.  At 15, I was also more concerned about discussing celebrity crushes with my friends or what test/project I had due next. 

Fast forward. I am 19/20 being asked if I know how I want to go about starting a family because the closest I can get to having a biological child is egg donation from a close relative. I still hadn’t fully explored my own feelings about any of it all of a sudden was being asked for an answer. I was more concerned about if switching my major was the right thing and what I was going to do with my life in general. 

Fast forward again. I am 27/28 and meeting my new endocrinologist. She asked me if I planned on having kids. For the first time in my adult life I realized “oh yeah, I’m at the age where people plan and want that”. I remember giving a real awkward answer because again, it was something I hadn’t fully processed.

I suppose I’m lucky because I have a name and a reason for my infertility. I won’t have to wonder why or blame myself. Not that anyone should ever blame themselves. I won’t have to spend years trying and hoping. I already know my options. I have been able to make decisions without the pressure of a ticking biological clock. I have had more time to process and grieve my situation than a lot of people. There is still pain and grief though.

It’s comes and goes. Often catching me unexpectedly. I felt it watching a new mom get wheeled out of the hospital and her husband helping get her and the baby into the car. I feel it when I see the similarities between my nephews and their parents. Or even myself. I feel it in innocent comments like “by the time I was 30 I had four kids” from older family members. I felt it as I sucked in my breath when I heard a prominent figure say “childless cat ladies who are miserable in their own lives” on national television and realized I was one of those women. Minus being miserable. Just when I got my breath back the comments continued. Comments like, “people without kids don’t have a direct stake in the direction of this country”and “votes of people who have kids should count more. For that reason.”

Those words have swirled around in my mind for weeks now. I can’t figure out why. It’s not like I don’t know that there are many ways to be a mother. Or that my parental status doesn’t lessen or define my worth as a woman. I think it’s because the words were said as if not having children is always a choice. Which even it is, is not a problem. It’s that I never fully had a choice. Suddenly I am forced to face the fact that I may never get to be a mother. IVF costs money and is not well covered by insurance. Even if you can afford it, you’re not guaranteed it will be successful. Adoption also costs money and is not guaranteed. There are also ethical questions around it.

To have something taken away from you before you can fully understand and want it is a unique experience. Even after that first question from my pediatric endocrinologist, I didn’t start to process it. I’m still learning how deep I buried those thoughts and feelings. 

At 15, kids and a family was just a nice distant idea. I wasn’t exploring what exactly the sentence the doctor had just said meant. In my mind my future still involved having a child that had the same dark hair, eyes, and freckles I have. That I got from my mom. Who got them from her mom. My child had the same wit, sense of humor, and cheeky grin as me. That I got from my dad. Who got it from his dad. sometimes I still imagine that. Sometimes it still feels like a very distant idea. I keep it that way instead of a real option to consider to protect myself. Otherwise I’d have to feel the deep sense of pain and loss. But, how can you lose something you never even had? How can you grieve something you never had to lose?

Those are questions I am still tying to answer…

Sincerely,

The Chairman of the childless (NOT) miserable cat lady department

This is not a post about diabetes or chronic illness or health care. Since it’s my blog though, I’ll write what I want. So here it goes…

I was not born and raised in Kansas City, but after 7.5 years it’s safe to say it is my home. It is hard to describe what makes this place so great to people who don’t live here. I have never seen a city as proud and loyal as Kansas City. I always joke that when I’m flying home I know I am at the right gate because someone is inevitably representing KC. Even before the city started getting so much media attention. It’s also a small a big town. Everyone knows everyone or you can find a mutual connection very easily. Basically it a tight knit community. For example I know multiple people who know the family of the victim.

I think most people understand on some level that we live in a world where gun violence is a reality. It can happen anywhere. When it’s your people and your city it’s different though. By the grace of God and the fact I had to work, I was not at the parade. We had it on at work and watched in disbelief as it happened. All I could say and think was “no, no, no, no. Not here. Not now.” It was like watching one of your worst fears happen right in front of you and not being able to do anything. That’s how I felt just watching. I can’t imagine how the people who were there felt.

As a nurse I felt helpless. I may know CPR, but I’m not an ED nurse or an EMT. My skills weren’t needed. All I could do was maintain business as usual so those with the proper skills could use them and save lives. I hate that I’m relieved only 1 person died. We all know it could have been worse. I hate that I have to say I am proud of how the Chief of Police, the Mayor, and all the first responders handled the situation. Or how I am thankful that it occurred so close to 2 of our major trauma centers.

The fact that 9 of the victims were kids breaks my heart. A friend made the comment “Think about the next active shooter drill they have to do at school”. That cut me deep. Those kids will survive physically, but now have to carry that emotional burden. I know someone whose teenager has now experienced 2 events like this. That is so hard to wrap my head around. It breaks my heart. So many kids were there and had what should have been a positive core memory tainted.

I don’t have all the answers, but I think it’s time to try something. Anything. all I know is I don’t want to have to scan Instagram stories checking to see if people are ok ever again. I don’t want to have to run through a mental list of people I need to check on ever again. I don’t want to have to respond to my own messages being checked on ever again.

What hurts the most is how such an exciting and happy day turned into a tragedy. Forever tainted. Watching police respond while wearing superbowl champion hats is surreal. Watching news anchors describe a tragedy while still wearing red and decked out in Chiefs gear is surreal. Seeing #KCstrong is surreal. Seeing fundraisers for your city is surreal.

I am heartbroken and sad. I may have written a lot of words here, but I could have said more. I also could have said less because no amount of words can express my feelings. I love this city and the people here. I know we will get through this. I just hate that we are now part of the list.

Welp I once again went awhile without posting. Honestly I think I found myself feeling uninspired. I also wanted to soak up my summer break. It has been a busy summer. So lets get to it.

May marked my 30th birthday. It still hasn’t sunk in that I am no longer in my 20s. It felt like my 20s lasted forever. Not just 10 years. Most days I still feel like I do not know what I am doing. I keep wondering when other adults will realize I am not actually an adult. Somehow I keep getting away with it.

June was my endo appointment. I realized that I had been on autopilot with my diabetes management. I still sort of am. I am doing the things I need to do to take care of diabetes but I am not prioritizing it. My A1c is still in a good range so I am trying not to beat myself about it.

July went by very quickly. It started with the lowest of lows and highest of highs. I had to say goodbye to my Minnie girl. She was only 8. It happened so quickly and I am still numb. I was also very busy in July so my mind was occupied. I still think about her at night when I can’t sleep. I love my Luna Bean, but Minnie was the first pet that was mine. There was a special bond between us that I can’t explain. Every so often I am caught of guard by a wave of grief. I understand the metaphor of grief being like a ball in a box now. When the ball hits the side of the box a wave of emotion/pain comes over you. Over time, the ball gets smaller and hits the box less. When it does though, it still hurts the same amount as it did when the ball was bigger. I will always be grateful for the 6 years I had with Minnie. She will now forever sit on my left shoulder like she did when she was alive.

The same week I lost Minnie, I had the most amazing experience when I went to Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour. It was by far one of the best concerts I have ever been to. KC night 1 won the eras tour! We are Mother’s favorites and I will fight anyone who disagrees. I am now a full on clowning swiftie trying to guess all her easter eggs. Bets on if Rep TV drops on 8/21? Am I delulu? Probably. It’s fine. The emotional whiplash of the first week of July taught me that you need to hold space for all that life throws at you. The good and the bad.

So far August has brought more life changes. I adopted a kitten. I didn’t think I wanted to get another cat right away, but I kept finding myself looking at kittens up for adoption at the shelter. Then I saw a photo of the sweetest little orange kitten with the swirliest color pattern. Enter, Fred/Freddy/snuggle bean/Freddy fish/Fredward. He is almost 3 months old and has settled in so well. He is the snuggliest purr machine!!! As I type this he is purring on my chest. He and Luna are learning to navigate each other. I know Luna is going to be a great big sister. She learned from the best. Minnie.

My fall semester starts on Monday. I am nervous. Excited. Overwhelmed. I am hoping that spending the past year working on myself and growing means I will go into this next stage of school successfully. After a year of setbacks and frustrations it is my time to shine. I realized that instead of dreading clinicals, I am sort of looking forward to them. I will be in a pediatric primary care clinic. I have always been interested in primary care so I am excited to see if I enjoy it as much as I think I will. I know it is a lot of work, but being able to watch my patients grow from a tiny newborn to a successful young adult sounds amazing. For me it’s the most magical part of peds. We get to celebrate things that seem so simple. Saying mama, pointing at objects, taking first steps. They are simple things, but are actually big deals for tiny humans. I also like the idea of being able to encourage and empower parents.

I am down to a year and halfish `left of school. I have 3.5 classes left. I still have days where I get overwhelmed and can’t see a future where I am an NP. I am slowly learning that feelings are valid, but they are not reality. They are just feelings. I can and will succeed.

To quote Taylor Swift, it was the end of a decade, but the start of an age. That is how feel about what these last few months have been.

It’s time for me to do another update! I had a few appointments of my own this month and it got me thinking about the state of health care right now. To be honest it’s not good.

First, I had an appointment with my PCP. Let’s take a minute to celebrate Dr. K. She is amazing and I am so glad I found her. I do not envy her job in family practice. They are the most overworked and under appreciated specialties. This is where I have my first issue. Why are we only allowing for 20min visits? It is almost impossible for a provider to be through and personable in that time frame. Plus, most patients do not understand that in that 20 min timeframe a PCP cannot address multiple issues. If you have multiple things to talk about, you most likely need appointments for each one. However if the provider shuts down the conversation they will most likely be viewed as rushed or unfriendly and not listening. So they end up talking about multiple issues in a 20 min visit and then running behind. Of course if you give them longer appointment slots they see less patients and have less availability. Then people are mad they cannot be seen for even longer.

My next issue, I scheduled this appointment shortly of I saw Dr. K for my yearly physical. I don’t typically have a lot of reasons to see Dr. K, since I don’t usually get “real people sick”. Because of this I make it a point to have a yearly physical and remind her I am still alive. When I saw her in October we had a conversation about bananas. **Obviously we did not really discuss bananas, but the internet does not need all my health care information. So I will be using the word bananas. ** Dr. K said I could think on our conversation and if I had more questions to set up another appointment. At the end of October that is what I did. The first available was January! I get bananas are not urgent but I did not want to wait that long. I know how the system works and understood there really wasn’t anything to be done so I went with it.

I finally had my appointment and after a week of considering and doing some more research (not Dr. Google) I decided I wanted to buy some bananas. I told Dr. K and reached out to set this up. The first available appointment was the end of March! Again, buying bananas is not urgent but come on. It does affect quality of life. Luckily behind the scenes she was doing some kind of magic and I got in sooner.

My next appointment was with my endocrinologist. This time I saw M, the PA. She is wonderful as well and so sweet. The first issue was that the office was running behind. Who knows why, but I waited almost 30 min to see her. Just because I understand the health care system does not mean I don’t get frustrated with it. Also, I was still recovering from food poisoning and trying to keep my stomach from rejecting its contents all over the exam room. Luckily for me, and M that did NOT happen. My next follow up is supposed to be 3-4 months with Dr. E (M will be on maternity leave) in April-ish. Well the first available was June?! I’m an engaged patient and will be able to manage needs via portal, but yikes!

The thing is, at work I am telling patients the same things. I swear if I take one more phone call from scheduling about a provider not having openings and “can I assist with scheduling since nothing is suggesting” I’m gonna lose it. No Brenda, I cannot. Where would you like me to pull this appointment from? My butt? I feel frustrated and powerless. I understand why parents are upset, but there is nothing I can do to fix the problem. I am left reassuring them we will still manage any needs get their kid refills and to please stay in touch. It’s not fair and it’s not the level of care I want to give. But it is all I can do. I also worry about our providers who are being asked to see more and more patients when they cannot even see the patients they have. I see how tired they are. I wish I could help.

People are leaving health care in droves. Providers, nurses, RT, PT, you name it. There are plenty of job openings, but no one applying. Honestly, I don’t blame them. We are continuously being asked to do more and more. With less resources. I know teachers can relate. It makes me sad because I love what I do. Even on the days when I question going back to school, I know deep down it is what I want and am supposed to do. Knowing I will graduate in a year and a half into the mess we have now is scary. I just hope I will be up for the challenge.

Health care has been in triage mode since the pandemic began and I am not sure how it recovers. There is not one solution because there is not one problem. Lately I have just wanted to burn it down and try again.

I love music and feel like song lyrics do a better job of explaining my feelings than I can. Diabetes gives me such complex feelings I thought it needed a playlist. Here is a list (in no particular order) of 1o songs I would put on my diabetes playlist and why…

1. Defying Gravity – Wicked

For the five of you who read my blog, you know the significance of this song for me. It reminds me to keep trying and moving forward, even when it is hard. It’s tattooed on my arm now. There is something cathartic about belting out “If I’m flying solo. At least I’m flying free” at the top of my lungs. I may never belt it like Idina, but a girl can dream.

2. A Little Bit Longer – The Jonas Brothers

As a millennial with diabetes, I had to include some Jo Bros. Nicky J, does not know it, but he is my diabestie (diabetic best friend). He wrote this song about his experience with T1D. Hearing him tell his story and perform it live is pretty raw and emotional. His advocacy or lack of it may divide the diabetes community, but if he wants to post shirtless pictures to show off his dexcom I’m not going to stop him. I’m single so I gotta get what I can, ok.

3. When a Heart Breaks – Ben Rector

Not a lot of people know Ben Rector, but I adore him and his music. This song reminds of me of how it felt first being diagnosed. The first time I heard the lyrics “I knew I was fine about this time yesterday” was the semester I was back at college after diagnosis. Once you’re diagnosed with diabetes your life is marked as before and after. Everything changes in an instant with one sentence. This song captures that.

4. This is Me Trying – Taylor Swift

y’all had to know Taylor Swift was going to make the list. The lyrics of this song cut real deep. From “They told me all my cages were mental. So I got wasted like all my potential” to “I just wanted you to know this is me trying” it hurts in the best way. Taylor has also said she wrote this song from the POV of people struggling chronic illness or depression or anything like that. It’s how how people don’t see how for them just showing up can be hard. The verse about being a former gifted kid really cuts though. Damn you Taylor.

5. Let it Go – Frozen

Ok, this one really needs an explanation. John Lasseter, who was one of the executive producers for Frozen has a son with T1D. He saw his son struggle with being different and pushed for Elsa to be a hero and accept her powers just like his son had to accept his T1D. Thus paving the way for the big Let it Go number. It’s also sung my my girl Idina so I had to add it.

6. We Can Do Hard things – Tish Melton

I love Glennon Doyle and her podcast. This song was written by her youngest daughter and is the theme song for the podcast. It’s the song I put on when I am really struggling. It reminds me that it is ok to to admit that things are hard, but I can do it.

7. Soon you’ll Get Better – Taylor Swift

Yes, another Taylor Swift song. This one was actually written about her mom’s battle with cancer, but I really related. There is something about the desperation in the song that reminds me of the early days of my diagnosis. I remember feeling like I could just will the diagnosis away if I just ignored it or tried hard enough.

8. Sugar We’re Going Down – Fall Out Boy

This one isn’t deep at all. Whenever I see a double arrow down on my dexcom and my blood sugar is dropping I always sing “We’re going down, down in an earlier round” in my head. It makes giggle during serious situations.

9. Hallelujah – Haim

This one was a recent discovery. Este, the oldest sister of Haim has T1D. The sisters wrote this song partially about her struggles with diabetes and how she leans on her sisters. As a permanent sad girl, am a sucker for stripped down, highly acoustic songs with deep lyrics so this checks all the boxes. Their voices are incredible and the way they blend together is even better.

10. Superman – Five for Fighting

People often like to tell me how strong I am or how much I have overcome. I get they mean well, but actually hurts. A lot of the time I don’t want to be strong orI get angry because I have to be. “Even heroes have the right to bleed” is right

There you have it. My diabetes play list. If you want to listen to the songs, I made a playlist on spotify.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3nFghEz484uSvF4CU3edCc

November is Diabetes awareness month. Yesterday (11/14) was World Diabetes Day. Last year I did a photo a day challenge. This year I just wasn’t feeling up to saying much. I did want to at least acknowledge it though. So, consider it acknowledged.

The last few months have been a struggle mentally. So I just didn’t have the energy. However, I seem to have found some energy and some thoughts today.

A family member of a patient made a comment about the purple ribbon I have on my work badge. Asking if it was for epilepsy or domestic violence. I answered both. I work with epilepsy patients so of course I want to show my support. But the ribbons were actually given out during domestic violence month. It made me think about how so many awareness months and colors overlap and unless you are already aware of the thing you want to raise awareness for you would have no idea. Kind of a catch 22 I would say.

Example, not only is November Diabetes Awareness Month, it is also Epilepsy Awareness Month. Monday was World Diabetes Day and this week is APRN week. All things I care about. How am I supposed to give my attention all of them!!?? I guess November will always be a special month for me.

It has made me think about how some experiences are the same across different chronic illnesses. Living with diabetes means I am constantly walking around prepared for low blood sugar that may cause me to go unresponsive. People with epilepsy walk around wondering when their next seizure will be, if ever. I do not kn0w what it is like to have a seizure, but I know what it is like to walk around with rescue medication in you pocket “waiting for the other shoe to drop” even though it may never drop.

I know that parents of children with diabetes constantly worry about their kids no matter how old they get. Just ask mine. I have listened to parents of children with epilepsy cry on the phone worrying about their kid and I know that it could have easily been my mother.

Anxiety and depression have higher rates of occurrence in patients with epilepsy and diabetes. From the small bit of research I have done for school that holds true for any chronic illness.

Teenagers with epilepsy get anxious and embarrassed about their epilepsy. Just like I did with Turner syndrome at that age. I “wanted to be normal”. Whatever normal is. Can’t say I have achieved it yet lol.

I used to get annoyed that diabetes didn’t have a month to itself. Working closely with epilepsy patients has made me realize that we are more similar than different and we are just screaming to raise awareness. Ugh I know that is cheesy. Sorry.

So,

Happy Diabetes Awareness Month and belated World Diabetes Day!

Happy Epilepsy Awareness Month!

Happy APRN Week!

Happy November!

Taylor Swift released ANOTHER album on Friday and per usual the album is full of poetic lyrics and powerful bridges. You often don’t even catch the poetry in her lyrics until you’re on the second or third listen of a song.

The lyrics that have been sticking with me since my first listen on Friday are “You’re on your own kid. Yeah, you can face this. You’re on your own kid. You always have been”. Shit cuts deep.

Having a chronic illness can be incredibly isolating and lonely. Even more so when it’s an invisible illness. Because I don’t look sick people don’t realize the millions of thoughts and decisions that go into be me simply living life. They don’t see how sick a bad low can make me feel. They don’t see how fuzzy a high makes my brain. It’s also not easy to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it. Because it is so hard to explain I often carry the burden alone.

The mental burden of diabetes is the hardest part and I can’t escape it. No one can really take any of it for me. Why bother people I care about with something they can’t help me with. It’s something that is happening to my body. It’s incredibly vulnerable to have your own body fail you and ask for physical help. Especially for a socially anxious person, who hates attention, and who is fiercely independent (It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem. It’s me.).

I cover up the vulnerability with sarcasm and jokes. If someone asks if I am ok when they hear Patrice (my insulin pump/CGM) alarm I can deflect attention and calm people down by making a sarcastic joke. “Unless I am on the floor actively seizing I am fine”. I can cut the tension about the potential seriousness of diabetes with a joke. “My glucagon is in my backpack. Make sure you put it up my nose not my butt. God forbid you ever need it”. If you know what rescue diastat is you get the joke. Is this an appropriate coping mechanism? probably not, but when I get overwhelmed with emotion or anxiety, I lose my words and sarcasm comes out.

I have good friends who laugh at my jokes and even make jokes with me and it does make the burden slightly less. At the end of the day I am on my own to manage diabetes. Like the song says I can face it. Even if I am on my own with it and always will be.

Anyways that’s enough deep shit. Hope you too are enjoying Taylor’s newest album. If you aren’t what are you even doing with your life?! Oh look I just cut the tension with a joke again.

My three week break between my summer and fall classes is quickly coming to an end. Next week I’ll start my fall classes, pharmacology and primary care of children. One more year! During my break I was quite productive. If productive means binging tv with your cats. Oh yeah, by the way I got a new cat. Her name is Luna (as in Luna Lovegood) and she is the sweetest little angel baby.

Anyways one of the movies I watched was Purple Heart on Netflix. It’s about a twenty something T1D who marries a marine for his health insurance. Of course they are complete opposites and start out hating each other, only to end up actually falling in love. Overall it was an easy and predictable watch. It felt like a lifetime move with better acting and more production value.

I was impressed with how they handled the diabetes. It was obviously a main plot point since it was the reason they got married, but it wasn’t constantly mentioned. The girl lives a relatively normal life. There was one scene where she has a “really low” blood sugar and needs help. I’m using quotes because her pump showed her BG was 68. Which would not cause most PWD to almost pass out and need help. I have been perfectly functional and alert with a BG of 53. The only give away was my pump alarming. I have witnesses. I think the big take away from that scene is how her “husband” reacted. He was scared. She makes the comment as she laying on him that his heart is beating fast and he responds back that the situation was scary. Even for a marine.

The big diabetes scene is when she goes to the pharmacy to pick up her insulin. a vial of fast acting and a vial on long acting is going to cost her $500 which she can’t afford. She goes home upset and has an argument with her mom. Her mom tells her she needs to take better care of herself which she explains she is trying to. She asks her mom how she is supposed to choose between paying rent and paying for her insulin. This whole argument made me realize how random it is I chose a major and then a career that led to stability. I am by no means rich, but I have a good job with good benefits and can afford my healthcare needs. At any point I could have made a different choice and ended up in the position of not affording insulin.

My one issue with the diabetes representation is that the pump they show the girl using is a medtronic. This is more of a pet peeve because it seems like that is the pump that is always shown. In the babysitter’s Club reboot Stacy wears the same pump. I am not a fan of medtronic. They cut a deal with United Healthcare (the most evil insurance company) to be their preferred pump. Which limits pump choice. Lastly, tandem’s closed loop system and customer service is superior to medtronic. I may be biased (only slightly) but being able to update you pump’s software for free without having to get a new pump is a big step towards accessibility. I am starting to wonder in medtronic acts as a sponsor and that is why their pumps always end up in movies and tv shows. Like other products do.

Overall the movie was enjoyable and and an easy watch. The diabetes representation was well done. I can forgive details, like a BG of 68 making her unresponsive. Hopefully it also raises awareness for how dire the cost of insulin situation is. Insulin rationing deaths are real, preventable, and happening all too often. It especially affects young adults (like me) as they age out of their parents insurance and struggle to gain financial stability (like most young adults) in the current economy.